Drawing on a wealth of personal stories and fascinating facts, The
Defining Decade argues that, contrary to popular belief, 30 is not the new
20. Author Meg Jay uses her vast experience as a professional psychologist
to advise twentysomethings on such issues as choosing a partner, starting
a family, picking a career, and generally making the most of one’s 20s.
Jay also argues that the years between 20 and 30 are the time to establish
serious goals and, because the adult brain is at its most pliable then, to
begin to take steps toward reaching them.
Work
🗣 Identity Capital
Identity capital is our collection of personal assets. It is the
repertoire of individual resources that we assemble over time.
These are the investments we make in ourselves, the things we do
well enough, or long enough, that they become a part of who we
are.
➰ The Strength of Weak Ties
Information and opportunity spread farther and faster through
weak ties than through close friends because weak ties have
fewer overlapping contacts. Weak ties are like bridges you
cannot see all the way across, so there is no telling where they
might lead.
💬 Ben Franklin effect
He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do
you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.
Love
🎎 The Cohabitation Effect
Before moving in together, get clear on your commitment
levels, and stress test the relationship in other ways (such
as travel) to make sure it’s what you want.
👯♀️ Being in Like
Make sure your personalities get along, and don’t ignore the
differences that might ruin the relationship. Also, if you’re
neurotic, you have to learn to control it, or you’ll destroy
your relationships.
👨👩👧👦 Picking Your Family
If you can’t stand your partner’s family, it’s not going to be
good for the relationship, and is a serious consideration for
whether or not you should continue.
Brain & Body
🧘🏼♀️ Calm Yourself
Learn to calm yourself down, to realize that these little
setbacks are not huge issues. That life goes on. Stop relying
on other people to cheer you up.
🏄🏼♀️ Getting Along & Ahead
Set some goals that matter to you and work towards them.
Whether their professional, personal, or social.
💡 Do the Math
Our twenties are when we have to start creating our own sense
of time, our own plans about how the years ahead will unfold.
“The future isn’t written in the stars. There are no guarantees. So claim
your adulthood. Be intentional. Get to work. Pick your family. Do the
math. Make your own certainty. Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or
didn’t do. You are deciding your life right now.”
