I Absolutely Love Creating
Especially Through Visual Aesthetics
This is an image of yogurt.
Not much more to describe, really. However, this is an example of visual
representation I do so adore. The bright colors, so alive! The
different array of fruit- Mango, how delicious! Two pieces on
either side, with one leaning out of frame. The crumble of roasted oats
on the edge of this marvelous, perhaps, walnut, golden oak,
wooden-board, holding a unique shape itself, with a spoon, at perfect
reach, right by the glass-contained-yogurt filled with layered
blueberry, mango, roasted oat, and a vivif green mint leaf to top it all
off. Not to mention the seemingly forgotten grey piece of cloth, almost
blended to the background. The visual beauty.
Though this image was not taken by me, it does hold an array of
spectacles, I can but appreciate. It is work like this, I aspire
towards. Although I do not fall guilty of reproducing any such works, I
do happen to have a few Instagram pages and Youtube channels. Where,
instead of focusing my work on what can only be considered a
passion of mine, I choose to present my self through foolishery
and comedic gags. I am the owner of a page which updates itself ever so
rarely, and of
a channel, which hasn't been updated since June 2020, consisting of a range from
21 to 491 views per video.
The thought of exposing my true self, my intellect, my sorrows... Is
something I have most certainly fallen guilty of: fear of my own
candour. The unwilling desire to be seen for my veracities, my frights,
my struggles. To be seen as weak, strong, boastful, a survivor of my own
demons. These are all parts of me in which I have effortfully spent the
majority of my teenage-life and adulthood successfully hidding away,
protecting. It is a side of me, I do not believe to be 'embarrassed' of,
but merely, and forever, fearful of. One can easily presume,
and thus argue the equivalence of embarrassement and thus
fearfulness.
I am not here to counter your judgements.
I do not fear embarrassement, I fear judgement.
I do not fear being embarrassed, I fear being judged, accused, damned.
By so doing, will I thus not feel embarrassed through the realisation of
my fears?,
is the question I do indeed ask myself. Would my ego thus not be
bruised, crumbled, unsettled, by such wrongfully, or dare I say worse:
truthfully, damning, accusational judgements?
Ego. The true battle within every human.
I say I do not consider myself embarrassed of my past, as I have taken
many years to accept who I am in my entirety. However, do tend to,
usually, be relatively fearful of what other's may think of such truths
being exposed. Can my ego truly take it? As much as I remain as
true as I can be to myself, I have always refused sharing this truth
with my entourage, acquaintances, friends, and family. I fear, my
teenage truth, of not truly, ever fully, being understood. I fear, being
judged for simply seeking "attention". People rarely seem to desire
comprehension for someone attempting to seek simple support,
understanding, or acceptance. Instead, it must be solemly fueled by
basic "Attention Seeking", of course.
Judge me as you may. I accept it and would mostly understand it. Whilst
I am here, however, I am daring to share my truths, to share my fears,
to share (some of) my secrets. By so doing, I share with you my hidden
Instagram page, for any who dare to be a part of my journey, to be a
part of my truths, fears, and pain. I do not write as though my
experience is unique- far from it. I consider my journey, my
truths, my pains and fears, as simply being a part of a much grander
experience: The Common Human Experience, as I like to put it.
For all that I have and have yet to experience, is all that you have
and/or have yet to experience for yourself, simply in your own, unique,
way. There is nothing unique about your mountains, such as there is
nothing unique about mine. The only major unique beauty, I believe there
to be, is which path each one of you, of me, has chosen to take.
At the end of life, regardless of where we are born, however one may
start, our internal struggles, and thus mountain, remain the same. I am
in belief, that those who's struggles prove to be earlier in life, are
those who've been, somewhat 'obliged', to begin to climb this mountain
sooner rather than later. Whereas others, born with a silver spoon, or
better yet, a gold spoon, in their mouths, will simply have to face
these challenges later, as life begins to unfold before them. Sometimes
abruptly, sometimes gradually.
Some of us require being slapped in the face a few times, before being
able to understand the necessity of placing one foot before another, by
ones own choice and determined willingness. Others, understood this
gradually, and thus have been lifting, directing, acknowledging and
placing one foot at a time, before another, usually leaving them with a
greater understanding of the plain before us and paths before them.