"It's Britney, b*tch"

- Michael Scott

"If you pray hard enough, you can change yourself into a cat person"

- Angela Martin

"If I don't have some cake soon, I might die."

- Stanley Hudson

"Who is Justice Beaver?"

- Dwight Schrute

"It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone, equally handsome, equally smart."

- Kevin Malone

"I consider myself a good person, but I am going to make him cry"

- Oscar Martinez